(Not yet) Preparation

Alhamdulillah sekarang udah menginjak 34 minggu, insya Allah bulan depan due date.

Gimana persiapan? Hmmm… minim sekali. kesannya kayak cuek yah..Lagipula disini kan tinggal sampai Agustus, sayang juga kalo beli2 banyak tapi dipake cuman berapa bulan. Baru ada ini, box bayi… yg sbnrnya travel cot serbaguna. selain bisa dilipet, di dorong2, juga sekalian tempat tidur (belum ada kasurnya dan sprei, apalagi bantal, huhu…), dan tempat ganti popok (daripada mahal beli babytaffel/changing mat tebel), hemat tempat pula… harganya juga terjangkau, 42 EUR.

muti-function travel cot

muti-function travel cot

Lalu, ini serangkai stroller Quinny Zapp Xtra dan Maxi Cosi, hadiah dari kakek jakarta. All in RED.. yeah, he’ll be STRONG, BRAVE, and BOLD (not bald yah)  :D

Buggy

Buggy

Juga perangkat yang diminta sang Kraamzorg (kayak perawat yang bakal ngerawat bayi setelah lahir disini, yaitu antara lain bak bayi (males beli stand-nya, taroh di atas meja aja nanti) dan Kruiken. Entah apa, katanya Kruiken ini wajib, fungisnya pas keluar RS bayi belum bisa mengatur temperaturnya sendiri jadi musti dibantu dengan penghangat ini di maxi-cosinya. Gimana coba? ini dia bentuk rupanya: http://www.babypark.nl/kruik-aluminium-2-stuks.html#.USaCoh2-2uI

I dunno, I was like very busy with many things. I know, I don’t have status of employment anyway but.. really… From December 2012, I was like being chased to apply for this and that, and this and that..also to arrange songs and to write. But, the last two things, I enjoy..

The problem is that, to apply for *many* institutions in… you have to make your own research. I mean, it was different from the style in Germany/Netherlands/France/Spain, etc where we can apply based on the project (means, you already know the topic or the title/job desc).  So, since I was not only applying for one, but many..

I had to first –> make contact with supervisors –> interviews –> Then, ready to choose the topic –> research proposal (draft) –>  send to supervisor-correction –> refine the draft –> supervisor –> draft, etc –> online application –> find referees up to 3 –> contact referees –> remind referees to send their reference by email before deadline –> online application for **a****a

I had some bad experience with asking for reference. Well, beberapa aplikasi lenyap begitu aja gara2 walo sudah diingatkan beberapa kali deadline-nya dari jauh hari tapi sang referee malah ngasih e-reference-nya bberapa hari setalah deadline. Hangus lah kerja keras menyusun aplikasi dan proposal. Yasulah..

That cycle had been going on and on and on and on and on… for this 2 years. I was just like a dog-on-head or turtle-in-coconut (kura2 dalam tempurung kelapa, haha, apa ceunah). Counting around 200 applications and interviews, and none of them passed. But yeah that’s  fine…

These 2 months, I could write different research proposal (2-5 pages) in 2-3 days, including topic decision, read papers, etc. I was really in a rush and spent some nights working, continously for several applications.. Then, the doctor found that my baby was smaller…and had to undergo some growth scans to control his growth. Well, since then, I manage to get more sleeps/nap and not thinking too much about work, etc. And it works, Alhamdulillah… ternyata istirahat itu mempengaruhi perkembangan janin, saat ibunya istirahat, bayi berkembang, dan he grows!😀

….and I just realize, I haven’t prepare for the baby to come!!  T__T . no baby clothes, no baby wardrobe, no maternity package yet… anyway, kalo baby clothes sebenarnya semuanya nitip dari Jakarta. Hooo..  During this crucial time, I really don’t care about today’s rejection (after some intense weeks doing the research proposal, critical discussion with supervisors, pushing the referees, etc)….OR another prof.asking me to finish the MRI segmentation (which is more suitable for thesis assignment, but he asked me to finish within few days/to search for novel methods. and I’ve already forgot how to code/program, too bad!!!) for the next selection round.

I guess, I just need to relax this time…!!

I don’t want to think about another application. I don’t want to bother about my status. I don’t want to worry about what will I become. I’ve already tried, but if this the right way then I should accept it. and I think I cannot be like this forever… I’m tired. I will just stop doing the iteration (the looping cycle I described above), and try to focus more on my fam.. Maybe it’s Guidance. Perhaps, when the baby born I’ll not have the chance for professional work but I dunno… I should prepare for a full-time-work as a house-wife-mom, if it’s the best for me.

I’ll never want to give up but I have to move on, find another way for another hope

Sometimes you just have to shut your ears from what people say

PS: Sorry for babbling around.. -,-